PARANOIA UNLOCK!

It has been four months since I have seen the daylight. My skin has gone pale, and my eyes have gotten used to less light. The pandemic has taken a significant toll on me. I kept myself locked inside my bunker of a house. The doors only open when my groceries are delivered. My living room has turned into a sanitation station. I have arranged germ sprays which I used to clean the grocery bags and myself for touching them. Then I go inside, and I take a bath with some Dettol in the water. I also made my balcony a washing station, equipped with germ sprays and sanitisers too. I have my windows shut, and the sun burns me. I live on artificial D vitamin supplements and the oxygen released by my indoor plants.

 

I have already stopped contacting more people since Chicken Pox attacked me. The worst thing a human can do to the other is not a backstab, it is being reckless and passing on germs. What mistake did I commit? It was supposed to be a birthday party, and the guy who thought he had a fever felt that he was doing us a favour. He thought it would be cool to appear to party even being sick. He did not even consider carrying a handkerchief. He also shared cigarettes with me, who did not know his sickness until he told me at the end. What a douche! He did not just pass me an expensive cigarette it was also a rare virus that I had no immunity for. All the others already had the disease when they were young, and I never got exposed to it; hence, no antibodies.

 

The germs remained with me. They got on to the cigarette, I have ingested them directly into my body by puffing them in. There was a battle going inside my body, and the temperature was high in less than a week. There were blisters almost everywhere on my body; my beautiful face, my tender pecs, biceps, thighs and even on my feet. My back that recovered from my teenage acne got attacked with something bigger now. It has been two years now, and the scars remain. I’m now embarrassed to wear sleeveless tops, show off my lats and go topless. What was supposed to be a hot thing only to be soon followed by sympathising looks and cheering-ups that I don’t need. My face somehow recovered, and so did my front side of the body. But my back is still a horror show of spots that won’t fade away. The thing I’m about to say has nothing to do with all this. But this is the consequence of being reckless about a fever. The heroic act of a douche traumatised me that ended up killing my esteem. I feel like Deadpool, I guess I look like an avocado without my shirt.

 

So, no humans! No kisses too, I can pleasure myself; I’m self-sufficient. I have been going out but to enjoy minimal pleasures like eating outside, carnivals and festivals. But no social contacts that’s a ban from 2 years. You can video call me if you miss me a lot, that’s what I said to everyone. But these four months is a big thing. I’m a lot of road person for someone who does not prefer to meet people. I have been among these closed walls and dark rooms for so long, I became obsessive. I have compulsions about germs getting to me. My body suffering from more than just blisters is my worst nightmare. But today! What a day! What a shitty day! I’m hungry, my internet doesn’t work. I am unable to order anything. The groceries won’t come till the next day, and I ate off all the supplies. I kept drinking water, but it has been 13 hours. It feels like something is eating my insides. I have to go out—just this one time. But I’m trembling, and I don’t want contamination.

 

The government had removed the curfew, and I see people jumping on roads like apes as if the vaccine is here. They think their cloth masks are hazmat suits and they scratch their nose through their masks. No one is even wearing gloves. It is a garbage bin outside the door of my house. I can starve, I guess. Thinking of going out is making me anxious. It’s better to die starving than getting contaminated, I believe. But this one time, I can go out. I will be okay; I have the sanitising station. Okay!

 

I wore my facemask, gloves and a face shield. I set foot, and a current passed all my body. The sun was piercing through my clothes. I see people with no masks. It’s crazy, it feels like everything is filthy and germs are all around me. I should throw these clothes off, the face shield too. Damn! It is like a circus out here. People in queues, no masks, spitting on roads and I can see this dude pissing on a wall few yards far from me. My heart started pounding, and my breath grew intense. My breathing was harsh that it began to form vapour on my shield. The sound!

 

Oh god, horns from everywhere, people talking jumping, bouncing and scratching like apes. I turned around and round and round; it felt like nausea. I feel discomfort in my stomach. I rushed towards a place that sells breakfast. It was crowdy and scared me. The cook was sweaty, and his mask looked old and worn off. I think I’m having a panic attack! My anxiety is kicking in, and soon everything became silent. I heard no sounds and the roads were empty, and cars were too—no people around me, and It felt peaceful for a moment, but the disturbance started again. The sounds resumed but were different. I hear monkeys screeching around me. Different kinds of apes surrounded me—apes walking on roads, driving in cars, honking at each other and yelling at each other. It was apes that sold breakfast and apes that bought them too.

 

The boards of shops were changed. “Fresh and warm COVID-19 at 35 Rupees only” the board of breakfast read. I could not understand what was going on. I turned around to see a fast-food centre. It’s menu board read COVID-19 80 Rs, Typhoid 60 Rs, Dengue 60 Rs and so on with many diseases that are still running their course in India. One hairy ape with glasses on went to the fast-food dealing ape and asked “What is the cheap one you got?” the dealer ape said “Diarrhoea is cheapest just at 20 Rs, but only effects for three days. You can try Common flu for 25 Rs; it makes you feel like shit for a week” the ape with glasses smiled and ordered one common flu. I don’t have an option; I have to choose among one. Would I select flu? no, it weakens my immunity. “Brother pack me some Diarrhoea” I yelled. The ape packed some Poori – Korma and gave it to me. I held the packet and started moving back to home.

 

I had to stop because a prison bus was going and the road had jammed. I can recognise the prison bus by its colour, but there was something else written on it. As the bus neared me, it became more apparent. “Hepatitis, AIDS and Syphilis center for criminals” it read. Nothing made sense anymore. I walked back into my apartment. Something inside me couldn’t take the Diarrhoea packet inside. I just threw it in the bin. Luckily for me, I found my mobile connected to the neighbour’s WiFi. Why didn’t I think of this? I ordered some vegetables to cook myself a good meal. I entered, removed my clothes shield, mask and gloves. Threw them in the bin that was inside my apartment. I sprayed the chemicals all over my body. I tied a towel around my waist, and tied the cover of trash inside the bin, threw it out. I went in and had a good bath.

 

The vegetables are here, and it is time for me to cook now. I arranged everything I need to prepare, I took the veggies out and put them on the chopping pad. I jumped, looking at the worms crawling on the cabbage. I just stood there, my eyes wide shut!

 

Most Important Line b/w COMPROMISE and SACRIFICE

At some point in life, we may have made a few compromises and few sacrifices for the happiness of the self or to satisfy people we love or summoning to the situation. What is the line between them? What is the difference? To understand the difference between the two words, we need to know the meanings of them. So what is the meaning of Compromise and Sacrifice? Compromise means “expediently accept standards that are lower than is desirable.” Sacrifice means “give up (something valued) for the sake of other considerations.” By the literal meaning of them, they seem very different. But are we using them correctly in reality? Let us consider the following story.

There is a kid named Micheal. His father was rigorous on him. He used to verbally abuse and hit Micheal when he used to play with his friends for a longer time. He wants Micheal to be an Engineer. He always taught him to sacrifice his time for studies, and he can enjoy the results in future. Micheal had a passion for studying literature and becoming a poet. He finished his matriculation and wanted to pursue arts for his schooling. He is scared to talk to his dad. Somehow he gathered courage, went to his dad and told him about his passion. His dad snapped out, and the words he said left the first permanent scar on Micheals’s heart. He Said, ” You want to study arts?” “Where did you learn talking against me?” “What passion are you talking about?” “You can compromise the dream for the future, Just shut up and study Engineering.” He said this and bashed Micheal and sent him away.

Micheal was helpless. He cried a lot and tried to forget it. His schooling continued, and for obvious reasons, the grades were low. His father used to abuse him to get good grades and those two years were like hell for him. Once the schooling is complete, Micheal wanted to speak again to his father so that he can pursue his graduation in Arts. He again gathered courage and asked him the same. Here comes the second scar, his father snapped and said, “Didn’t your brain grow?” “What will you do by studying literature?” “Do you think yourselves as Shakespeare?” and was bashed again.

Micheal does his graduation in Engineering, and he hardly passed it. His father again used to bash or verbally abuse for his grades. As graduation is done and he got an “Engineering” tag. He wanted to give a final try on his passion and talks to his dad again. His dad became furious and left the final scar. Here is what his father said, “How should I tell you?” “Why are you born to me?” “I wish I never gave birth to you.” “You are a disgrace to me.” “Go get a job you worthless scum.” Micheal is now completely broken and starts searching for a job.

Micheal finally joins in a big MNC and starts his career. He goes into depression, and don’t know what to or who to speak to. One day he sees a pop up saying “Worried about your work? Join us! We will assist you.” The program name is “We have all been there.” He signs up for it and goes for it. He sees around two hundred people there. They are divided into twenty groups with ten members each, and a psychiatrist is assigned. The doctor, Micheal’s group, got was Dr Raymond. He points to one the candidates and asks “Have you ever been in a situation, where you are sad about your work, but still got to do it?” He replies ” I have been there.” He asks the next candidate. “Have you been in a situation where you hate your work and still got to do it? She replies ” I have been there.” Now he asks Micheal “Have you ever been in a situation where your family forced you to work?” Micheal was shaken to the core, and he is stunned for a moment, clears his throat and says ” I have been there.” In the same way, the doctor asks everyone work-related questions, and the reply is the same ” I have been there.” The doctor now says “You all have been there.” Let us unite and say “We have all been there. come on” Slowly they Yell ” We have all been there.” The doctor says ” Louder!” They yell ” we have all been there!” Micheal was in shock that these many people are suffering from the same and shakes his head.

Now Micheal is working in the same company and is earning a considerable amount of money. But he lacks the most important thing every human craves for, that is “Happiness.” Micheal was, is and never will be happy with the trauma he has. He is Just leading the life with the help of a doctor.

Now if we think of the above story what Micheal did was not a compromise, it was a sacrifice. So what is the important line between compromise and sacrifice? It is “Happiness.” Why should a kid compromise or sacrifice his passion? The only compromise or sacrifice needed to achieve ones passion is time and energy. Nothing more than that.

What Micheal fathers did to him happens to most of the kids, maybe in a less violent way, but the impact is the same. According to a survey from Monster.com ( one of the biggest recruiting sites in the world), 83% of the employees, Would Opt To Work For Passion. Why is the number so high? Do we need only corporate employees to run the world? Don’t we need a good writer? A good dancer? Or a good painter? Why are we killing the dream of a kid before it blooms?

In the end, if your passion was or is a part of compromise or sacrifice, then my friend, you know what to say. Yes, that’s right! “we have all been there!” You might have had or have difficulties on your dreams from any side, but stick to your gut and let your dreams blossom. I know it is difficult, but trust me the fruits at the topmost branch of the tree are very tasty.